Understood...✅

Just like everyone, I have been spending this closed-borders-summertime by watching dramas, reading books, listening lectures...aka exposing myself to new perspectives. Here's a short list of some randomly compiled ideas worth reflecting on (of course according to me)! 

• We have/keep relationships because we need them. But it’s worth pondering that how many of our relations actually know of our needs?
• Want to know someone, let them talk and you actively listen!
• To genuinely respect someone also includes to respect their personal space, which allows them to have secrets. So rather than being interrogative, show enough respect and care that they could simply trust you and open up. 
• My two favorite characters are well-proclaimed sociopath geniuses—Sherlock Holmes (from Sherlock BBC-series) and Ko Moon-young (from It's Okay To Not Be Okay). Why?
• If you want the other person to act in a certain way then in place of highlighting your need and requirements, focus on what’s in it for them; showcase their gain/s and merge it with your need/s.
• Problems change but chaos persists to maintain the natural flow of our existence.
• Thought is a physical process as it leads to entropy and that’s what universe favors!
• Best dispute prevention strategy is to humbly accept your mistake and apologize.
• When placed in an uncomfortable situation or with request, don’t brush it under the rug; instead confront it head on to avoid its future recurrence.
• Whenever encountering any known-unknowns it is better to have your best alternatives handy. 
• Anyone being benefited from your dispute would most likely want it to never end...to simply ensure their personal gains. 
• WRONG: Whatever others think about me got nothing to do me, it’s just the way their brains are wired. RIGHT: What others think about me is quite personal, especially if it involves continuous interaction. Because the way they think will determine the way I’ll be treated by them. And others' treatment and behavior towards me (good/bad) is quite personal!
• We are stardust—sacks of particles governed by the laws of physics; who miraculously happen to be alive, able to think and act, got emotional intelligence, able to develop and elaborate on the intricate web of communications; all this is simply awesome and extraordinary. SubhanAllah

So until next time, 

Keep seeing things differently! 

-1 Formula for Happiness+

In terms of linguistics, born and raised in a typical Pakistani household got its very own specific perks. How? Somehow we all know what DDLJ, ‘masoomana sawal’ and ‘minus one formula’ stands for, or else one must be living under a rock (for sure not in our parent-driven TV lounge)!

Recently my sister shared this incident of my 8-year old niece invoking her freedom of speech right. She quite innocently threatened her father of using ‘-1 formula’ IF he didn't followed her command and that was to come home early :) Given that verdict…of course our little one won…not only her father came home early, he also got her some surprise treats—desi buttering! 

Besides depicting my niece’s smartness, it actually got me reminded and thinking of one of the strategies that sticked with me during The Science of Well-Being course by Laurie Santos, a psychology professor at Yale. 

Don’t worry, I’ll help you explore this very emotionally powerful, yet politically controversial tool called ‘minus one formula’ or '-1'. I won’t be diving into any politics, instead my discussion will be centered on implementing this simple strategy to stay happy. 

Weird…I know! 

I remember my Economics-101 professor in our very first lecture taught us that we humans are born selfish and consumers. We are always bombarded with the concept of getting one more (+1) to attain satisfaction, then how on earth deleting one or giving up could make us happy. I know it’s a bit confusing, one of those #NeverHaveIEver…cringes! 

But believe me, ‘minus one’ is a research based psychological tactic to refresh and boost ones happiness quotient. How? All we need is to have strong imagination and some simple time travel skills. 

Purposefully Crafted Example: Recently you bought a brand new expensive car. But after sometime your excitement level not only halted but is constantly declining. You are kind of getting used to it…and to be honest now wish to have the next level luxury car! How could you stop this saddening-wanting cycle? 

[-1 Past]: Shuffle your memories and recall the ones where you had no car to begin with. Remember and ‘concretely reexperince’, as termed by Prof. Santos, the time when you got to your workplace by bus only to find all your colleagues’ shinny cars neatly parked in the parking lot. I am sure this reality-recall would be enough to ones again instantly become grateful and happy with what you got!   

[-1 Present]: But how can I feel happy and contented in present, today, or as of this very moment? To solve this dilemma, Prof. Santos recommends to ‘concretely observe’, where we are actually required to do something, rather than simple time travel. Quite often our conscious minds need a jolt of reality check to taste and live the life with ‘-1’. For our crafted car scenario, one ought to leave the car parked, better at your friend’s place that’s far away from your own. Then opt to use public transport for your usual commuting. I am sure doing your usual bulk groceries is not going to be fun and relieving anymore as it used to be! Living without once-very-dear-car for sure is challenging. As soon as you realize, live, and give up on this self-imposed trail, you’ll love to see your ‘-1’ (here, car) in a newer brighter context.

[-1 Future]: Prof. Santos uses ‘negative visualization’ to explain this strategy. She recommends to imagine your future and think ‘what if’ it never had happened….! Coming back to our perplexed car situation, ask yourself what would your future be like if you never had ever bought a car. Would you like being not on time to your workplace because of a random bus delay? How would you feel (God forbids) taking your parents to an ER for an emergency on a rainy day? This ‘-1’ future for sure seems quite gloomy, and is enough to make you realize the importance of what you got right now…so feel contented owning a well-maintained car. 

I do realize that this ‘-1’ conceptualization does involve quite strong imaginative workout…but believe me, it works. And I am all for anything that works and is free! 

I think the rule of thumb to be happy is to find ways, whatever works for you, to stay grateful and feel contented in your current situation/s. 

P. S. “The Art of Well-Being” course is offered by Yale and delivered by Professor Laurie Santos at www.coursera.org. It's available to everyone!

Who's Smart?

Today the first post I saw on my Facebook feed was of the Groundhog Day celebration--a popular tradition observed in US and Canada on 02/02. It seemed so hilarious and ridiculous to watch a crowd of thousands cheering in anticipation of a groundhog to declare if we’ll be having an early spring or not? And the senior members coordinating this commotion appeared so proud and happy as if they’re going to share the Coronavirus vaccination. Seriously, we the self-proclaimed most civilized nation still relies on a naive animal to predict seasons! 

Who's smart? The people eating the wild animals or the people using the wild animals to make predictions?  

We the smart people, living in the smart world, using our smart phones, ironically have forgotten that it’s us who made the world smart, who created these smart phones,…not the other way round. Allah SWT has blessed us with intelligence and wisdom, which Mashallha used by some benefitted all! But since we get all the fresh feeds from CNN, BBC, etc.,…we have developed this illusion of being the knowing-all generation. 

Wrong! 

We need to understand and be awakened on the fact that anything said, theorized, or believed by media are their opinions, not the facts or reality. We unknowingly have become the medias’ unpaid employees…whatever they say, we blindly believe, share, and spread…without even taking a moment to ensure its authenticity, thus, naively making a news contagious! 

During this pandemic of Coronavirus, we all felt disgusted and shared the viral video of a girl with bat soup. Seriously how many of us checked on when and where was it taken? We became the judges and started stigmatizing Chinese and their eating habits. Again how many of us checked on this weird food consumption in terms of their population frequency? It's wrong to generalize a mistake by few towards all. This would be similar to considering all the Muslims as terrorists based on few extreme scenarios. Let's not repeat that!  

And to my dear fellow Muslims, Alhumdulliha we all abide by the concept of Halal and Haram, but it doesn't grant us the right to spread disgust against other people and their traditions. Plus, there had been viral epidemics in Halal eating countries, as Swine Flu and Bird Flu in Pakistan. Moreover, on what grounds can we declare that Allha SWT is taking revenge on Chinese for their hatred towards Muslims? If that’s the case why Israel, India, and even United States are still intact? 

To me, Allah SWT is simply reminding us of our vulnerability and His grandeur. Our reality is not the smart technology or the tallest sky scrappers, in fact in the bigger scheme we are a mere speck of sand. Having today's all advancement, we still are unable to unveil many of His mysteries. All in all, we always need to be grateful for his blessings and remember that we are destined to be questioned on the Day of Judgement of our doings.

In this critical health crisis, we all need to show empathy not hatred, disgust, or pride to fuel any new form of Xenophobia. We Muslims sure know how it feels to be cornered :(  

So let’s act truly smart by understanding that…Virus is in China; Chinese are not the virus!