Understood...✅

Just like everyone, I have been spending this closed-borders-summertime by watching dramas, reading books, listening lectures...aka exposing myself to new perspectives. Here's a short list of some randomly compiled ideas worth reflecting on (of course according to me)! 

• We have/keep relationships because we need them. But it’s worth pondering that how many of our relations actually know of our needs?
• Want to know someone, let them talk and you actively listen!
• To genuinely respect someone also includes to respect their personal space, which allows them to have secrets. So rather than being interrogative, show enough respect and care that they could simply trust you and open up. 
• My two favorite characters are well-proclaimed sociopath geniuses—Sherlock Holmes (from Sherlock BBC-series) and Ko Moon-young (from It's Okay To Not Be Okay). Why?
• If you want the other person to act in a certain way then in place of highlighting your need and requirements, focus on what’s in it for them; showcase their gain/s and merge it with your need/s.
• Problems change but chaos persists to maintain the natural flow of our existence.
• Thought is a physical process as it leads to entropy and that’s what universe favors!
• Best dispute prevention strategy is to humbly accept your mistake and apologize.
• When placed in an uncomfortable situation or with request, don’t brush it under the rug; instead confront it head on to avoid its future recurrence.
• Whenever encountering any known-unknowns it is better to have your best alternatives handy. 
• Anyone being benefited from your dispute would most likely want it to never end...to simply ensure their personal gains. 
• WRONG: Whatever others think about me got nothing to do me, it’s just the way their brains are wired. RIGHT: What others think about me is quite personal, especially if it involves continuous interaction. Because the way they think will determine the way I’ll be treated by them. And others' treatment and behavior towards me (good/bad) is quite personal!
• We are stardust—sacks of particles governed by the laws of physics; who miraculously happen to be alive, able to think and act, got emotional intelligence, able to develop and elaborate on the intricate web of communications; all this is simply awesome and extraordinary. SubhanAllah

So until next time, 

Keep seeing things differently! 

-1 Formula for Happiness+

In terms of linguistics, born and raised in a typical Pakistani household got its very own specific perks. How? Somehow we all know what DDLJ, ‘masoomana sawal’ and ‘minus one formula’ stands for, or else one must be living under a rock (for sure not in our parent-driven TV lounge)!

Recently my sister shared this incident of my 8-year old niece invoking her freedom of speech right. She quite innocently threatened her father of using ‘-1 formula’ IF he didn't followed her command and that was to come home early :) Given that verdict…of course our little one won…not only her father came home early, he also got her some surprise treats—desi buttering! 

Besides depicting my niece’s smartness, it actually got me reminded and thinking of one of the strategies that sticked with me during The Science of Well-Being course by Laurie Santos, a psychology professor at Yale. 

Don’t worry, I’ll help you explore this very emotionally powerful, yet politically controversial tool called ‘minus one formula’ or '-1'. I won’t be diving into any politics, instead my discussion will be centered on implementing this simple strategy to stay happy. 

Weird…I know! 

I remember my Economics-101 professor in our very first lecture taught us that we humans are born selfish and consumers. We are always bombarded with the concept of getting one more (+1) to attain satisfaction, then how on earth deleting one or giving up could make us happy. I know it’s a bit confusing, one of those #NeverHaveIEver…cringes! 

But believe me, ‘minus one’ is a research based psychological tactic to refresh and boost ones happiness quotient. How? All we need is to have strong imagination and some simple time travel skills. 

Purposefully Crafted Example: Recently you bought a brand new expensive car. But after sometime your excitement level not only halted but is constantly declining. You are kind of getting used to it…and to be honest now wish to have the next level luxury car! How could you stop this saddening-wanting cycle? 

[-1 Past]: Shuffle your memories and recall the ones where you had no car to begin with. Remember and ‘concretely reexperince’, as termed by Prof. Santos, the time when you got to your workplace by bus only to find all your colleagues’ shinny cars neatly parked in the parking lot. I am sure this reality-recall would be enough to ones again instantly become grateful and happy with what you got!   

[-1 Present]: But how can I feel happy and contented in present, today, or as of this very moment? To solve this dilemma, Prof. Santos recommends to ‘concretely observe’, where we are actually required to do something, rather than simple time travel. Quite often our conscious minds need a jolt of reality check to taste and live the life with ‘-1’. For our crafted car scenario, one ought to leave the car parked, better at your friend’s place that’s far away from your own. Then opt to use public transport for your usual commuting. I am sure doing your usual bulk groceries is not going to be fun and relieving anymore as it used to be! Living without once-very-dear-car for sure is challenging. As soon as you realize, live, and give up on this self-imposed trail, you’ll love to see your ‘-1’ (here, car) in a newer brighter context.

[-1 Future]: Prof. Santos uses ‘negative visualization’ to explain this strategy. She recommends to imagine your future and think ‘what if’ it never had happened….! Coming back to our perplexed car situation, ask yourself what would your future be like if you never had ever bought a car. Would you like being not on time to your workplace because of a random bus delay? How would you feel (God forbids) taking your parents to an ER for an emergency on a rainy day? This ‘-1’ future for sure seems quite gloomy, and is enough to make you realize the importance of what you got right now…so feel contented owning a well-maintained car. 

I do realize that this ‘-1’ conceptualization does involve quite strong imaginative workout…but believe me, it works. And I am all for anything that works and is free! 

I think the rule of thumb to be happy is to find ways, whatever works for you, to stay grateful and feel contented in your current situation/s. 

P. S. “The Art of Well-Being” course is offered by Yale and delivered by Professor Laurie Santos at www.coursera.org. It's available to everyone!

Who's Smart?

Today the first post I saw on my Facebook feed was of the Groundhog Day celebration--a popular tradition observed in US and Canada on 02/02. It seemed so hilarious and ridiculous to watch a crowd of thousands cheering in anticipation of a groundhog to declare if we’ll be having an early spring or not? And the senior members coordinating this commotion appeared so proud and happy as if they’re going to share the Coronavirus vaccination. Seriously, we the self-proclaimed most civilized nation still relies on a naive animal to predict seasons! 

Who's smart? The people eating the wild animals or the people using the wild animals to make predictions?  

We the smart people, living in the smart world, using our smart phones, ironically have forgotten that it’s us who made the world smart, who created these smart phones,…not the other way round. Allah SWT has blessed us with intelligence and wisdom, which Mashallha used by some benefitted all! But since we get all the fresh feeds from CNN, BBC, etc.,…we have developed this illusion of being the knowing-all generation. 

Wrong! 

We need to understand and be awakened on the fact that anything said, theorized, or believed by media are their opinions, not the facts or reality. We unknowingly have become the medias’ unpaid employees…whatever they say, we blindly believe, share, and spread…without even taking a moment to ensure its authenticity, thus, naively making a news contagious! 

During this pandemic of Coronavirus, we all felt disgusted and shared the viral video of a girl with bat soup. Seriously how many of us checked on when and where was it taken? We became the judges and started stigmatizing Chinese and their eating habits. Again how many of us checked on this weird food consumption in terms of their population frequency? It's wrong to generalize a mistake by few towards all. This would be similar to considering all the Muslims as terrorists based on few extreme scenarios. Let's not repeat that!  

And to my dear fellow Muslims, Alhumdulliha we all abide by the concept of Halal and Haram, but it doesn't grant us the right to spread disgust against other people and their traditions. Plus, there had been viral epidemics in Halal eating countries, as Swine Flu and Bird Flu in Pakistan. Moreover, on what grounds can we declare that Allha SWT is taking revenge on Chinese for their hatred towards Muslims? If that’s the case why Israel, India, and even United States are still intact? 

To me, Allah SWT is simply reminding us of our vulnerability and His grandeur. Our reality is not the smart technology or the tallest sky scrappers, in fact in the bigger scheme we are a mere speck of sand. Having today's all advancement, we still are unable to unveil many of His mysteries. All in all, we always need to be grateful for his blessings and remember that we are destined to be questioned on the Day of Judgement of our doings.

In this critical health crisis, we all need to show empathy not hatred, disgust, or pride to fuel any new form of Xenophobia. We Muslims sure know how it feels to be cornered :(  

So let’s act truly smart by understanding that…Virus is in China; Chinese are not the virus! 

How to ROAR...

Instead of diving into the universal excuse of being too busy to not to write…let’s just get right into today’s very tipsy write up. And for reference the image right now I have  in mind is from Sanju of Ranbir Kapoor in the hospital bed with his friend standing by his side and encouraging him to be a lion AND roar. 

Without any further delay…here comes my six self-tested and self-approved ways to live a super roaring life! 

1. Smile and appreciate others! Believe me this Wow factor is the most expensive yet the best free gift we all can give to others…oh, and don't forget your own super precious self! Admit it…everyone is churning their grind…so why not take a moment to appreciate your colleague’s dressing, his/her efforts on the new project, or simply just pass a smile. {All this needs to be done with caution in mix work setting!}

2. Do the catwalk…not the literal runway catwalk models do but something similar! Though there’s some shame associated with imitating or copying others but to me it’s the best we can do as beginners. By following the footsteps of the best and experts at least grants us assurance that we are on the right track and there’ll be a chance for success. Let’s just take our first baby step by simply following #BeenThereDoneThat on our social streams.  

3. We NEED to know our internal landscape. Believe me it cannot be stressed enough that knowing our mental, emotional, and physical aptitude is of utmost importance. If I don't know myself, or if I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, how can I expect myself to be confidently facing others. There is no shame in reiterating to yourself that, “I am my best friend.” Be the first person to console and/or applause yourself! 

4. Be silly, be stupid, be childlike! Please don’t mind me saying but being curious, hungry to learn more, eager to try new things was the best attitude we as kids used to have! But sadly it diminishes as we grow ‘mature’ and get accustomed to our habits. Unfortunately, this comfortable phase makes us stagnant, and we stop growing. The need is to step out of our comfort zones…believe me if anything makes your heart race…do it…because pounding heart beat, your panic, your anxiety will and can only vanish when you put a check on that task. Only by jumping into the unknown we can make it known! Just think of the smirk you’ll have while checking that hideous to-do-it.

5. Continually seek guidance. Stepping out of our comfort zones needs a little expert help. Just like baby birds, we need a Mommy bird to push us into the air with the assurance that we’ll not fall, instead will rise high above in the sky. Remember Alchemist and SRK saying… “if you really need something the whole universe will conspire to let you have it.” All we need to do is ask for it with utmost determination, the rest is then meant to become history! 

6. Last but not the lest, don't be afraid of any embarrassment, failure, or criticism; it’s okay! In fact they are our best friends in disguise, as they push us far beyond our comfort zones. Just embrace them as priceless rewards, because they are the proof that you tried something really hard, something you weren’t accustomed of doing, something beyond your usual capabilities; not everyone can do it…right? Be proud of your efforts, learn from your shortcomings, and move on! Just remember that tomorrow’s sun will transform today into a memory…and memories are meant to stay in the past, not design our future. What we bring along into tomorrow are the lessons learned!   

Until next time...
Keep Roaring ! 

SOTY2--I Expected Too!

So I just watched Student Of The Year 2 (SOTY2) and Allha knows the best who should I blame the most—my poor short-term memory or the movie’s poor script…besides girls precisely trimmed-silken legs, all I remember is ‘attay waqat tu scenery hai tu jatay waqat nazara'. I guess that's the movie is all about...a simple cute visual treat!  

Though the opening comments kind of sum up my review, but for the love of my writing I am gonna say a bit more…so bear with it! 

Firstly, for some odd reason I like the movie sequels that stay aligned with their mother-nature…as Tanu Weds Mannu and then we had the great Tanu Weds Manu Returns. Besides showing some students with a fantasy college backdrop, this SOTY2 got nothing similar to the original SOTY. It’s going to stay ‘doo (2) number’, forever! 

The story, dialogues, supporting actors…everything seemed so much out of space and context, that I only got a sigh of relief during few intermittent ‘ganna brakes’.  Besides missing the Siddarth and Varun’s awesome rival-bromance-chemistry, I continually kept envisioning Alia with Tiger Shroff. To me, Alia and Tiger’s Hookup song was like a treat to alleviate our suffering. If it was not for that chirpy number with a doze of sensual dance, (and for some reason Kareena's jhalak in Alia's ~size-0,) we all had been out of the theaters as zombies, ready to do/say…!?!?!? 

Now let's talk about each category in bit-bites: 

Tiger—as always did more gymnastic than acting! 

Tara—I guess even she was confused about her character! 

Anaya—who's still a baby, shown as a baby, and acted like a baby! 

Songs—perfect definition of an ABCD…if you know what I mean ;) 

Costumes—hmm…were there any?

Direction—phir paisa tu bolta hai na ;$

Story—I am still thinking what was it all about—winning a dance competition; getting Dignity Cup; or giving out Student of the Year Trophy…its all an amalgam!  

If you are still pondering over kay do I recommend it? Yar…DO I NEED TO SAY MORE? Of course Yes—if you have a lot to waste both paisa and time; and No—if you want to save your sanity and love for the only SOTY. 

Until next time, 
Keep watching at your own risk! 

Already Down With Three One-Night-Stands…Am I Doing It Right?

Now I get it kay why in movies the lead always get on a dating spree after his/her breakup…simple guys…need to get over all that. Never thought that I’ll be doing the same…*SIGH* but the truth be hold…to get over this love life I need to taste the worst. 

I know I am being a bit proactive, it’s not yet officially over…but since I can sense that inevitably approaching storm, I just thought its better to find another shelter or at least shop around for some umbrellas. I know I am just babbling but hope you understand!

Since I don't want to dive into another long-term commitment, as of now, I’m simply going for a KISS (keeping it short and simple). So far, giving a pat on my back, I’m already down with three one-night-stands and one on its way for today.

I know you all would say “GOOD GOING AMNA!”

Here, I feel obliged to share about The-One who’s driving me crazy and making me go through this all hessel… 

Hmmmm….from where should I start? Besides making me laugh, cry, coming into my dreams and leaving me with infinite lingering feelings of wanting MORE…

Why, I mean WHY?? This Romance Is Another Bonus Book driving me crazy? Why can’t I stop thinking about it? Till today I have read so many books, watched infinite K-Dramas but why this particular, even before its last episode is aired, I am striving to get over it!

Guys, if you have watched it then I am sure our feelings are in-sink, but if you haven’t, then please don't pull off your hair, and just Netflix it…you can binge-watch it until episode-12. I predict two more weeks of four-hour-meetups, and then its the end…for FOREVER! 

As my prep for its departure I already have one short-stories book, watched The Notebook and two supper-silly Filipino movies…not even worth mentioning their names!

I mean…is it seriously me? I get it kay I am weird enough to watch DDLJ for the 50th time on mute as I already know the dialogues…but this effort of watching overly-acted no-sense movies is heights! 

Cha Eun-Ho and Kang Dan-Yi…you guys need to 'stop'…as your fabulous chemistry+love-formula is making it so hard to stay sane and is already giving me the “During-Drama-Syndrome”. 

I wonder what would be the aftermaths as of my “Post-Drama-Syndrome”?

Until next time…

Let's not Suffer :)  

So today I understood the "logic" behind why we SHOULDN'T regret...???

Though I was hoping to jot down some juicy stuff to continue the latest fashion-talk on the recent Met Gala and the-still-on Cannes Festival. 

But to my surprise, while quietly chewing down my dinner I came across a surprising, yet a bit philosophical revelation. It seemed as if I just completed my puzzle. It was so relieving and satisfying that I got to share the answer...and it just seemed the right way to Welcome Ramadan! 

Ready…here we go…

Unarguably there are life instances when we miss that perfect-opportunity or that dream proposal. 

Though that’s done and out. And time flies. 

But unfortunately there are some ‘new’ life occurrences which get us reminded of that perfectly-missed-moment. 

And we start to miss that and imagine that as our horrible MISTAKE. 

Hence, our subconscious, which is trained to normalize and fix every mistake, sneakily starts to seek ways to recapture that missed-opportunity. 

But since it’s all in past and is inevitably impossible to go back and amend that situation! 

As a result, we unconsciously start to blame ourselves. We start to hate ourselves. Our self-esteem takes a deep plunge. We start to envision ourselves as useless beings, who are only capable of making mistakes. 

***Here its important to note that this downward ride only started after confusingly accepting that missed-opportunity as a committed-mistake.

Believe me, this teeny-tiny confusion can take a great toll on ones physical, emotional, and mental health. 

So what should we do? 

In contrast to being a victim of this aforementioned confusion, we should have strong faith on our fate. 

We should have firm belief that if Allah SWT had wanted that to happen, it would had happened. But HE didn't choose that time, for that to happen. Period.   

He is Our Creator; He is Our Greatest Well-Wisher; we should be contented with His decision.

And He makes no mistakes so there’s no need to regret! 

Hope He chooses us to learn and focus on being contented in this-very moment and with HIS every decision. (Ameen)